The Girl With The Sunshine Tatoo

I feel like I've been getting off topic recently but fuck it this is a funny story.

So I have been talking to this girl for a while and we hang out constantly. We finally decided to go out for a  movie and spend some quality time together. Now let me stop for a moment and explain that I am an awkward person. Like I ooze awkward, it could be bottled and marketed as a fragrance for nerdy men. So here I am going into this date, really excited but super-duper like slapstick nervous. Why? I don't FUCKIN KNOW. I think I laughed after every comment, funny or not. I'm not talking my various normal laughs either, more like a whispery shadow of a laugh designed to mask the possibility of screaming at any time. Also I made the poor decision the previous night to down half a bottle of vodka leaving me rather hungover. Then because of the pure anxiety I didn't eat more than a bag of trail mix leaving my stomach in a stellar digestive mood.

But on the outside I'm all cool, nonchalant, confident mode. Fake it till you make it they told me, it always works they told me.....
So we get there and make small talk till we go in. Bam! i realize split second decision time, do I sit up front where we can enjoy the movie? or go up to the top  for premium privacy? wheres the damn manual for situations like that? Well I go safe choice, up front to watch the movie, cause honestly nine fuckin dollars regal? I'm damn well gonna get my moneys worth in visual feast.

The movie begins, its entertaining enough but I keep getting the impression from our constantly bumping elbows that neither of us know what to do with our hands with all this sexual tension between us. So after developing an ulcer over this for 30 minutes I decide fuck it, YOLO and go traditional yet classy with the old yawn and stretch.
From the get go I realize, my technique is lacking to say the least.  Instead of smoothly placing my arm across her deltoids it ends up death gripped to the end of her seat in a position I'd describe as in the center of her skull. I whited out for about ten minutes of the movie at this point. I've already committed but my arm is falling asleep, FAST, and my brain is screaming for a solution. After five of the awkwardest minutes of my life I removed my arm to, "check my phone".
Like what a completely transparent gesture, and so taboo in a movie theater too. For the rest of the movie I'm dreading the car ride back wondering if I've just botched everything, and will be forever remembered in her circle as the dip shit who put an arm bar across her head at a movie. I couldn't help thinking of the guys sitting behind us just whispering to each other about how much of an asshole I looked at that moment.
Can you feel the awkwardness oozing yet?

Their is a happy ending to this story though. After departing under rather normal circumstances later on, she texted me 30 minutes later saying she had a really good time, with a smiley face. A FUCKIN SMILEY FACE. I think shes a keeper, and I didn't bring too much shame upon my family after all.

Let me diverge from exercise on this one and mention something which is familiar and upsetting to say the least. I love movies, and have been described by people as, "The most Jaded movie critic I've ever met". Well what can I say? I'm not head over heels for dumb and dumber, and once you've appreciated There Will Be Blood its hard to go back. However their is a caveat to my favorite film lists. I want everyone reading this to be sitting down before you read the next sentence. My favorite film of all time is A Knights Tale, yes the one with Heath Ledger. Go ahead curse my name but I find A Knights Tale to have everything I'm looking for in a film. Particularly the injection of modern feminism in the form of the female characters. 

Now without trying to sound ignorant or haughty I also consider myself a Feminist and find the lack of respect for women in film painful. According to the latest Women's Media Center report, "“Female characters were typically younger than male counterparts, white, and more likely to have an undefined employment status". In 2008 and 2009 only 32.8 percent of speaking characters in movies were women. We discussed something similar in my literature class today, going through what society expects out of women. One of the first stereotypes mentioned was that society expects women to be quiet, subdued and unambitious. What in gods name inspires this kind of inbred education for people. Now I am not a product of some super liberal California institution, I just have a Mother, Sister, Aunts, Cousins, and friends that I choose to see as humans. We are equal, yet society and especially the media portray women in a fashion which denotes helplessness. Maybe I'm wrong in my analysis and am open for criticism but I will never waver in my belief that ALL members of society are human and deserve the same human rights, and are to be treated as human.

Pheww
I find myself really nervous writing things like that for fear I'll be misunderstood or poorly support my argument.

Back to the movie though. The characters of Jocelyn and Kate defy the expectations of their time period by not submitting to male desires just because they are female. For Jocelyn as a woman of nobility everyone expects her to find some equally rich and powerful lord to marry and produce many sons, nothing else. However she spurns the advances of all suitors, even our male protagonist. She even makes demands of him to put off the thing he loves to prove his love for her is greater than his hobbies. The character of Kate faces much discrimination as one of the very few (I'd assume) female blacksmiths in France. However she proves herself time and again better at her craft than any other blacksmith, male or not. While ultimately this is a movie and the reality of Medieval Europe is much bleaker in gender discrimination; this fanciful movie finds a fun and provocative way to play with gender stereotypes in a genre like period pieces which often pick the harshest of gender roles. Hence one of the reasons I consider this to be one of my top five movies, EVER.
I'll finish with a quote attributed to Joss Whedon though the source is dubious at best but I still love it. When asked why his work featured such strong female characters he replied, "Because I consider women to be human beings". YOLO

P.S. some sources for Womens Media Center: http://thinkprogress.org/alyssa/2012/02/16/426519/television-is-less-sexist-than-moviesbut-not-by-much/?mobile=nc
http://wmc.3cdn.net/a6b2dc282c824e903a_arm6b0hk8.pdf

So some days you just need coffee and loud music, its that simple. Personally I've been rocking out to Icona Pop's 'I Love It' and Sia's 'Titanium' playing them on repeat way too much. Speaking of music I really don't know how people run without it? I understand the headphones falling off problem but that's a ten dollar solution away from shapely thighs.

What is the best music to workout to? Let me talk about myself for just a moment ;) i would say I have a varied music taste with Hip Hop being the main currency on my ipod exchange. However I am easily won over by smooth R&B and classic rock sounds. Now that everyone is judging my tastes on two sentences let me inspire more dissatisfaction, when it comes to my exercise play lists they are almost entirely made up of top 40 hits, club remixes, and reggaeton. SAY WHAT?? I know, I've sold my soul to the corporate devils which wrap music up in a friendly package easily consumable and with little allegiance. My Literature professor calls this the 'warm bath' effect. Kinda like only reading Nicholas Spark's books, its easy pleasurable and does not challenge your worldview. But honestly I've come to get a vicious love for such unbridled pop love, and hard liquor, maybe theirs a connection? (death of brain cells?)

My uncle was in Atlanta this weekend and wanted to grab diner. Over plates of macaroni and collard greens (OK Cafe!!) I mentioned my recent love for running. My uncle is an odd fellow to say the least and while he pines about retiring some day he is the type of person who must always have something to do, like go for a run. So all that back story is to illustrate he understands my mindset. While proud of my efforts he finished his inquiry into how I've been with a, "well it doesn't make you live any longer but makes those years a little better". Like shit dude, don't tell me that I was hoping adding exercise to my life would make me invincible. Shiiiiiiiit. I'm thinking the thing to take from this and my confession on pop music is that life is ultimately short and no one can add to their biological clock. So with that realization YOLO I'm gonna listen to whatever music I want because might as well have fun and not sweat the small stuff.

Blog#2

So everyone’s had that day, you know the day after a long night drinkin, smoking, just YOLOing in general. The next day comes quickly even though fully formed sentences don’t. Well for some strange, absolutely unexplainable reason I enjoy working out that morning after. It could be the sweating out of toxins or cathartic self punishment I’m forcing on my cardiovascular system, maybe I’m a bit of a masochist. Regardless I find myself drawn to hitting the gym or going for a long run following a night of utter debauchery. This can’t be normal right? I mean most people hate working out enough as it is, let alone after hittin the whiskey bars hard the night before. Mmmmm whiskey….

According to Livestrong.com exercising can help reduce the effects of a hangover, Thanks Lance! 

I find it gives me a good opportunity to reflect on the decisions I made the night before and how much money it will take to correct them. Also alcohol is a carbohydrate worth about 7 calories per gram. Compare that with regular carbs which have 4 calories per gram and fat which has about 9 calories per gram. I’m not trying to scare you from drinking, that would be a tad hypocritical, but college is a good time to learn how to balance large consumption of alcohol and maintaining a semblance of healthy living.

Also check this out, the higher your metabolism is the quicker your body processes the alcohol meaning you can party longer and harder with the addition of some exercise to your lifestyle. Better than doing meth and increases your chance of talking to the opposite sex, always a plus. 

Blog post #1 or my attempt to add years to my life and still drink heavily.

This past October two friends invited me to the park to play soccer and hangout. I have always loved playing soccer and was off work making it a prime time to get some hang time. Also they probably had beer at their apartment which is always a plus. Afterwards we made a relatively healthy chicken soup and sat on the floor slurping soup and complaining about the lack of quality TV. While a possibly mundane sounding life event this particular date will go down as the most important day in the past year for me. That is over me finally being accepted into the college I’ve been trying to transfer to for two years, my last grandparent passing away (RIP), a childhood best friend passing away, and moving to Atlanta with about 30 bucks to my name. Bam, maybe I sound selfish, or don’t have my priorities straight but this cloudy October day has profoundly changed lifestyle. What is so special about your seemingly innocent trip to the park with your bronies you ask? It was the first time in a long, LONG time I thought to myself, man all this running around, kicking a ball, sprinting, competing with people, and sweating is….fun. I KNOW like WTF running sucks, exercise is for lacrosse bros who join frats and get tribal tattoos before failing out of business school for the third time. Nope, I actually found myself enjoying exercise purely for the enjoyment of exercise. 

However this is only half the story, I mean all these new thoughts are great but let’s see how I feel when reality kicks me in the crotch next morning. And what the hell? The first thing I wanted to do was go for a run. A FUCKING RUN. I have always enjoyed playing organized sports but running has always been about appealing as studying organic chemistry or owning cats. Now lest you think this was some epic run I think I maybe made it up the block and back, a whole ¾ a mile. YAY Iz healthy now? Wrong again. But it was the willingness to go out and do it that second day when conventional wisdom and poor habits were screaming NOOOOOOO, which has kept me going nearly every day since then. Yesterday I ran four miles, it sucked for the most part, but at this point not running makes me feel fat, stressed out, and impotent.

So woopdy fuckin do, you started running, now you’re going to get a subscription to runners weekly and only wear gym shorts everywhere you go you self righteous cunt. It’s hard not to come off a bit douche-ish writing a blog about exercise but I hope if you know me personally this is not about lording my new lifestyle habits over everyone else, okay a maybe a little, but more along the lines of I did it you can too, and if not then just share in my ups and downs as I try to make significant changes for a better quality of life.

There, got all the mushy stuff out, now time to talk dirty. 

I sweat a lot, I mean A LOT. If scientists could convert the amount of sweat I produce into drinkable water, rivers would never run dry. There is a special relation people have with sweat, especially when the amount daily produced is possibly in the gallons. Anyone reading this that has similar sweating issues knows how embarrassing this can be on a daily basis let alone opening yourself up to the public to watch you sweat. I mean if there is a sweat fetish out there I could be making millions on personal workout tapes or still photos of my glistening chest hairs slick with sweat. Just try and hide your arousal. My friends and family know me to be a pretty bold person, yet getting past the fear of people judging me in a gym setting or one of my neighbors cackling at my awkward body propelling itself down the street was not simple. The true saving grace was my accidental thievery of some quality headphones during a trip to Nola with ear hooks. Finally being able to tune out the world while exercising and not having to constantly stop and adjust my ear buds made going out every day and perspiring all over the place a tad more appealing. Then again according to Wikipedia male sweat may be a pheromone cue so maybe the key to meeting more women is to just sweat more. (Probably not…)

Don’t worry this won’t specifically be an exercise blog, however I do plan on writing extensively on exercise and health related topics. Mostly though I’ll just talk about how hammered I got the night before and why working out hung-over is just the best thing ever.